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May

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It's the ninth day of May. It has been more than a week May 2012 has passed. Time is going really fast and I keep saying the same thing. I just feel like splitting out the monologues inside myself here. May is actually my month of the year. In the BC calendar it's the month of my birth to this world. But I don't feel pretty much about myself on my own birthday anymore, I don't get extra-excited like I used to feel or make a count down to my birthday (I've never done that actually). Thanking Allāh everyday for giving me the chance to be alive is what I get excited for though sometimes I fail my own words or actions in showing my gratitudes. Astagfirullāh. But then I gotta be hurry remembering the purpose why am I here. Thinking about my birthday, I think it will be more proper if it was entitled as the day of celebration for my mother who had struggled for me to come to the life. Masha Allāh! It's because of her, people around me felt happy for my coming to this life (-maybe at that time too- because I see that every newborn babies in the family bring in the euphoria and tightening the family bond too!). I just feel like thanking my mother over and over again for giving me birth and raised me until I've became who I am right now. My gratitudes for my mother would be manifested in the way I behave, and how I strive to be a salihah daughter. Aamiin. It really is a tough job for a creature with such soft heart. Especially if it's seen in my mother's conditions by now. Mothers of the world, you all are awesome. What I've just mentioned is a piece of thought of what brings me about my own birthday. This thought is actually influenced from Yasmin Mogahed's article I read here. I really suggest anyone that read this writing to click and read that article. Now I'm in my saturation point to do all the college stuff. I want to break free...! Well, I know I will. Cause this week is actually my last week on the second semester, and up until the next 3 weeks would be my last term examination weeks. Please pray for me to get through this well :3. Aamiin. I'm praying the best for all the ummah in this world too. May Allāh always guide us in getting His ridha both in this world and hereafter. Aamiin. 

On this holiday, I want to be productive more than ever. Be productive like hell (I don't know why does the word 'hell' really fit to describe extremeness. But it sounds so). I want to learn cooking healthy foods and some delicious desserts, learn arabic language, improve my french based on continuing the lessons I got from college, learn spanish language too maybe?, improve my Al-Qur'an reading.. Oh my God..! I've never joined any daily activities from the mosque except when I was very little. I learned to read the Al-Qur'an with some ustadzahs who came to my house twice a week (approximately). The last ustadzah who taught me is Ustadzah Wati.  I really miss her! I still remember how she shared islamic stories to me and made me really amazed about Islam, I also respect how she's really patient to teach the annoying girl named Mila (which is me). I've just realized that it's very hard to be a teacher especially when we got a child who behave like me (in the past). My behavior is actually sadden me. I must keep reforming this akhlaq.. Bismillāh. The last time she taught me is when I was still in middle school. That's a long time ago! After that, I learned some tajweeds lessons from school, or I learned it by myself and read it as much as I can. Now, my friend of 'ngaji' is the "Miracle the Reference" syamiil qur'an with its e-talking pen. It's a really good innovation to have a talking-version qur'an. But still, I wish I could read Al-Qur'an with someones, with anyone who can correct my faults, and teach me the right way to read it. Haaah.. I'm so social-less. Admitting the truth all the time won't take me anywhere. Anyone will think that's a sad thing but I believe that I'm not alone. I will always have Allāh to Guide me whenever I'm in the remembrance of Him. Insha Allāh. I really have to work on this. Maybe I can start it by teaching the iqra to my little brother more often, and help my mother to improve her readings. Bismillāh! Hopefully I could be like my amazing teachers. May Allāh raised all our teachers who have transfered their beneficial knowledges on the judgement day because of their praiseworthy deeds. Aamiin.     

There are actually so many things I want to do all over the holiday! Updating this blog with some planned stuffs, travel around Indonesia.. to Aceh.. to Semarang.. to Jogjakarta.., experiencing new stuffs, and get amazing lessons through over the journeys. That sounds amazing to me. I also want to energize myself with more mature thoughts for my visions in this life alongside with taking real actions. Yeah, this better be a self-improvement month. Well, self-improvement must be done everyday actually. We must move and move towards islamic living. 
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Insha Allāh!
Till then!      

4 comments:

  1. great post :)
    I love your blog!

    http://bubblemylicorice.blogspot.com/

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  2. i agree with you about the birthday celebration stuff. since i was little i ve never seen the importance of a person excitingly waiting for their birthday to celebrate it and expecting to be the special one on that special day.

    i ve always thought to myself
    'how can i be happy, when it was actually the day my mom was in pain?', like u said, we as a child should never forget to thank Allah for the life he gave us and never forget to thank our mom as they were the one who gave birth

    my mom once told me, 'u are the one who suppose to give me present on your birthday not me' when i was joking around with her and asked for a cake on my birthday.

    btw good luck on ur exam :)

    -ana-

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  3. ops i didn't finish my words properly.hihi.
    its not that i am saying we cant celebrate it at all.



    yes we can celebrate birthday, go on, celebrate our moms :)).

    -ana-

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  4. Bubble My Licorice
    thanks for visiting my blog! :)

    Ana
    Assalamu'alaikum sister Ana :)
    thankyou so much for sharing your thought! i also think that celebrating birthday especially blowing candles isn't taught in the islamic culture. we've influenced by the western cultures so much, so that formed our standards too. i think your parents have educated you rightly since you were little, because it's not the same with me.. i've just figured out that by my own searchings. indeed, with the help of Allāh (insha Allāh). and it's all make sense! i've once expected to have a special day on my birthday, but it didn't turn out as what i've expected.. and i felt sad at that time. see? that's what the society has put pressures on fragile and unstable teenager; like me (the ones without enough islamic knowledge to be exactly).

    omg this >>> 'how can i be happy, when it was actually the day my mom was in pain?' <<< is so right!

    yeah, don't be too skeptical, and being suudzan for this dunya, it's all based on our niat :)

    thank you for your prayer for my exam..

    Jazaaki-llaahu khayran, May Allaah reward you, sister!

    Wassalamualaikum.

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