Back in October 2017, for once I had the courage to get back on blogging again. I've been thinking about a sequence of posts to begin blogging again. I had typed an entire post as an introduction, and other four following posts. On January 2018, I edited the introduction post, but somehow another year has passed, and I didn't have the gut to hit the publish button.
There has been something wrong with me. I have been burdening myself with expectations, I was not ready to meet. Other reasons must be that: a transition in life phrased as 'quarter life crisis', and I complicate it with a suck at management. I realised that the core of my problems is that I'm not grateful. With an ungrateful heart, you can make wrong out of anything.
Without further due, here's my introduction post:
There has been something wrong with me. I have been burdening myself with expectations, I was not ready to meet. Other reasons must be that: a transition in life phrased as 'quarter life crisis', and I complicate it with a suck at management. I realised that the core of my problems is that I'm not grateful. With an ungrateful heart, you can make wrong out of anything.
Without further due, here's my introduction post:
What a feeling to be back writing here again!
Recently, I just viewed through my old posts. Funny how I saw myself on those old posts like a different person. Overtime, we all change: physically, in thought, in perspective... Decreasing or increasing within certain amount. Most of the time, I would feel embarrassed seeing and reading pieces of me through the old archive. But, this is not my first time experiencing this kind of feeling. I've battled through rejection of the idea of myself several ways. But then, I somehow could manage to make peace with myself by accepting all that I was, all that I am, and all that I'm going to become. It took me some time to be able to internalise the concept of embracing every bit part of ourselves; no matter how far we are from the idea of our ideal selves.
The main reason why I've been in a long blogging hiatus is because of my final year(s) in university. Those were some hard days for me piling up into those years. Most of my batch year would —normally—finish university by 2015. But, I happened to finish it two years later. I had been in such a deep disappointment of myself that was not helping me at all. The way I treated myself with endless rejection had turned me into a different person, mostly for the worse. Then, I accidently heard these words at Noha Sahnoune's (one of my insta girl crushes) Instagram Live or Video... I forgot. This simple sentence absolutely speaks volume:
“hating yourself isn’t going to solve anything”, roger that gurrrl! 🙌❤️— Mila 🌿 (@milaanzib) July 18, 2017
Sometimes, I would think what's the worth of sharing the story I am not proud of. But I feel, through writing it out, I want not to open an old wound but hopefully to bring more awareness for myself about the next step I'm going to take. "Time to flip the switch", as Hidden Heartbreak would say:
Whatever our goals, whomever we're trying to become, this illustration has nicely depicted the spirit to change for the better.
What Now, Colour Me Fuchsia?
Even though I found how cheesy most of my posts are, Colour Me Fuchsia (CMF) has always been an interesting project for me. My social media accounts that are named after Colour Me Fuchsia are actually intended to be filled with content of my interests, and portfolio. But, since I've been inactive from this blog, I've turned my personal social media accounts to be the place where I should post content on this blog or its social media accounts. Apart from blogging, I've been actively using Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest for my daily social media needs (I hope I can discuss about social media separately from this post). On these medias, I also would share my thoughts and opinions about fashion; recalling me of my long-buried dream and passion, which is: Fashion Journalism. Inevitably, those so called 'micro-blogs' provide us so much ease in sharing both visual and written content. I personally think Instagram has overtaken the charm of the actual form of blog. It is one example of the game changers within modern society of the 21st century.
I actually just realised that the last year I was still actively blogging here was on 2013. So, approximately it has been FOUR FREAKING YEARS OF HIATUS! There's one post in 2014 that felt like an exaggerated 'come back' move (lol). It's merely because of the projects I have for this blog that got me excited. I AM STILL EXCITED along this way. This head has been full of ideas that have not been put into realisations yet. But, those ideas absolutely mean nothing. Until I got hit by this tweet:
I actually just realised that the last year I was still actively blogging here was on 2013. So, approximately it has been FOUR FREAKING YEARS OF HIATUS! There's one post in 2014 that felt like an exaggerated 'come back' move (lol). It's merely because of the projects I have for this blog that got me excited. I AM STILL EXCITED along this way. This head has been full of ideas that have not been put into realisations yet. But, those ideas absolutely mean nothing. Until I got hit by this tweet:
Need. to. print. these. words. out!Ide tanpa realisasi bakal cepet basi.— Pinot (@pinotski) September 18, 2017
Reading some of my writings trying to be positive might sound like a bunch of BS to me. By all means, this is meant to remind myself that no matter how much I've messed with my own life: my dreams are still valid.
No comments:
Post a Comment